Birthdays are the only time in the year you’re supposed to be nice to your friends, every other day they only deserve the level of wickedness they renew every morning in your relationship together. Here’s a guide to making their next birthday one they’ll remember forever:
- Wake them up with the loudest speaker you can find
Getting older is one big deal and it’s totally unacceptable for them to just stand up without any drama isn’t permitted. Get a sound of a loud Dangote trailer and increase the volume to the peak, until they jump out of bed screaming and thinking they’ve been left on an expressway.
2. Induct them ceremoniously into their new age
Once they’re up, you should immediately commence the induction into a new age. If you’d prefer baptism to make them grow new sense, that’s fine too. Just don’t inflict injuries because you won’t find me here when your matter reaches the police station.
3. Make them breakfast in bed
It’s not every day you’ll be sending a food platter to that babe that doesn’t care about you or cooking a special menu for that young man that is married already. Cook for your bestie today, and add plenty pepper. If your food tastes like boarding school beans without salt, don’t worry about it, it’s the thought that counts.
4. You know they deserve that gift
Here’s a reminder of the last babe you saved your salary to buy a gift for earlier this year, where’s she? The streets take what belongs to it always; except your friend. Get into a store and buy your friend all the nice accessories you think they deserve. Don’t forget to remind them every two working days that it’s only because of your good heart that they have a wristwatch.
5. Drown them in any drink that isn’t water for the night
Except they’re allergic to people, your friend shouldn’t have to celebrate their birthday indoors. For their jolly good soul deserves a nice day, as appreciation for all the bad advice they always give you. Keep them hydrated, but this time, without water.
