Music can mean many different things to many different people. A means to channel your happiness, a ways to indulge your sorrows, a soundtrack for R18 activities, anything you want it to be. It can also be a marker of time. Say for example you and your friends are reminiscing about your secondary school days and you can’t be sure what year it was when the most popular kid in school got dragged like a ram to front of the assembly and mercilessly flogged for stealing from the cafeteria, it can be easily resolved by remembering the hottest song out at that time and googling what month and year the track dropped. Problem solved.
Many people are so engrossed in their day-to-day hustles they don’t even realize they’ve gotten old and should have attained certain milestones. Like marriage for example. You’re probably reading this and in your mind you’re telling yourself “that’s cap, I’m still young abeg”. I expected this show of stubbornness, that’s why I compiled this list of songs as a marker of time – if any of them dropped when you were a child, if you know any of them word for word, then you totally should have been married by now:
- Olu Maintain – Yahooze (2007)
Remember when we all danced to this absolute vibe as kids, oblivious to the fact that we were celebrating Hushpuppi and his business associates? Good times. Well this song is a whopping 14 years old already. Now open the calculator app on your phone and subtract 14 from your age. Done? Good. You see how old you were when you first heard the song? You see how old you are now? And you don’t think there’s a problem with the fact that you’re still chronically single, not to talk of marriage? Okay.
2. Weird MC – Ijoya (2006)
Before I face you, can we take a few seconds to celebrate this spectacular jam Weird MC and Don Jazzy blessed the industry with 15 years ago? Fantastic track. Which you probably can sing word for word, forwards, backwards and in French because you were already a full fledged teenager when it first hit the speakers. And yet here you are in 2021, with no husband or wife to call your own. Are you not worried?
3. P-Square – Bizzy Body (2005)
Let me just show you how much has happened since P-Square and Waje combined to make us lose control 16 (sixteen – in case the figure did not dawn on you enough) years ago. P-Square went on to release a couple other award winning albums, rose to international prominence and made music with the likes of Rick Ross, TI and Akon, experienced a protracted and nasty break up, started making music individually and have each released their debut solo albums that no one actually listened to. All of this has happened and no wedding ring on your finger? Ha.
4. Eedris Abdulkareem – Mr Lecturer (2002)
It’s getting to the point where I don’t even need to say anything again. Do the maths, it’s been 19 years now. If you know this song word for word you are either a part of 30+ twitter or so close that it doesn’t make much of a difference. This song is so old the video looks like it was shot with a 0.5 megapixel camera. Time is not on your side. Find spouse and fix up please!
5. Tony Tetuila – My Car (2001)
It’s been 20 years brethren. I just know if you can relate to this song and you’re reading this now, you’re on your way to pick your 2nd born from daycare and hoping to beat traffic just in time to get home to celebrate your 6th wedding anniversary with your wife or husband. No? Okay your 1st born, at the very least? No to that too? Please tell me you’re at least engaged? You’re not? You’re still part of “God When” wailers association? You are…Jesus Christ! You have a lot to think about…I rest my case.
Written by someone who knows all these songs word for word as is as single as a one dollar bill, so this is just as much an attack on myself as it is on you. All of us gather dey abeg, streets are very rough but we shall overcome IJN and/or Insha’Allah.
Meanwhile, here’s our Amapiano Special playlist. Jam this only after you’ve taken 30-45 minutes to think about your sorry love life.
