Bullying is one of the most pointless things in this world and we definitely don’t support any sort of bullying, especially as we prioritize mental health. However, you might think bullying is for kids, but you should know that bullying doesn’t end in secondary school for a lot of people, as workplace bullies exist and can make your life very miserable. Here’s a guide on how to cope with someone that derives joy from making you feel small:
- Shout your own back
This is the first line of defence when someone comes at you; you scream back at them. If it’s their baritone voice that sends shivers down your spine, use your soprano bird voice to tackle them. If they try to grab you and beat you, shout for help and arrest them for flogging you.
- Report them to their mommy
You can always find out the person your bully is scared of more, and usually it’s their mom or dad. You’re not being a crybaby if you pick up the phone and send them a text of how their child would soon be a murderer if they keep up with the energy. In a case where it’s the parent that raised them into a bully, abort this mission and let’s restrategize.
- Kill them with kindness
Literally, kill them with all the kindness in your big heart. Offer them food just hours after they make you seem little. Buy them popcorn, and tell them you’re always there to talk, since they obviously have issues they should be dealing with. Whatever you do, make sure you’re being kind to them. Smile always and make them question their sanity.
- Rebrand as a witch
Big bullies are very often cry babies and when you send them a package of black magic with incantations, they might get scared and pee their pants which would be a lovely lovely thing to watch. Give them a surprise and design their white bed sheets with palm oil stains in proper voodoo art.
- Run for your life
If all fail, the only other strategy left is for you to run for your life. Na person wey dey alive dey fight. Run and apply for a new job or something. It doesn’t make you a coward, you’re just trying to see your grandkids with your skull intact.