If you’re active on social media, you’d know a lot about influencers; these guys get paid to trend topics and it’s evident from the doctored conversations and the #ad that follows it up. Now there’s another category of people – the unpaid idiots.
These guys are well known for their very dumb tendencies to trend because for some reason, their brains forget to tell them which information is for the internet and which isn’t. Now if you’re craving some internet dragging ever so often, we’ve got tips for you:
1. Be a gender warrior
Every four market days thereabouts, there’s always that one person that brings up men versus women arguments. This week it might be about cooking, next week it might be about who is closer to the devil by family history. Sometimes it’s just someone waking up from their nightmares and picking up their phone to say men are scum instead of focusing on Femi, the perpetrator of evil.
2. Phobia-lize literally anything
It’s a trend to just pick up your phone and blame the world problems on their hate for anything that comes to your mind. You can decide that vegetarians have a hate for animals and their actions are not good for the mental health of these animals who end up feeling rejected and distraught. When they ask you how you know the feelings of these animals, ask them how insensitive they can be. Then draw up some strange words and shoot them down with it. Attack everybody.
3. Take a stand against capitalists
I’m with you on this one, trust me. It’s ridiculous how much money some people have, when peasants like us still have to beg for urgent 2k from our parents who would rub it in our faces every chance they get. So what’s the solution to this generational poverty? Working harder? Hell no, it’s Jeff Bezos that condemned us all and Elon Musk is very evil to have dared become a billionaire inside a pandemic!!! Fight the system, destroy billionaires.
4. Become the defender of cows
In Nigeria, our democracy is for the protection of cattle rights. How best to increase your engagement than to constantly take a stand with those that matter; the cows. Cows deserve freedom of movement, of speech, of taking a piss in your compound and no one should be complaining; after all we depend on these defenders of the galaxy for our existence in this country.
5. Attack reality show winners
I’m not going to dwell much on this. Just do it. Go online and call she-who-must-not-be-named an online beggar. Hehehe, whatever your eyes see, take it like that.
Article By: Qetsiyah Arowona
